Now I’m sure if you are a person that has never been cheated on or done the cheating you definitely know someone who has.I’m hesitant to write about this situation – because I’ve never cheated or been cheated on (that I know of). So I’m worried that my perspective may be slightly skewed and just plain down right unrealistic.
But I’m going to continue writing anyway. The truth is that besides the fact that I have never been in the situation before, I have definitely seen my friends and people I care about go through the emotional turmoil.
Lets admit it, cheating makes things pretty messy. The fact is, its easy to say what you will or won’t do. Like “I’ll never cheat” or blurt out clichés like “once a cheater always a cheater”, but until you are in a particular situation, who knows what you will really do.
Now first lets define what cheating is. Does that mean having some sort of a physical relationship with someone else, no matter how brief?
Does a kiss on the lips with someone other than your partner constitute as cheating? Does opening up to someone on an emotional level in addition to your partner constitute as emotional cheating and is therefore just as treacherous?
I’m the kind of girl that loves black and white, right and wrong. But I’ve learnt that there are a lot of life situations where shades are grey, are all that exist.
Cheating is one of these areas.
So to get us all running off the same base, lets just say that you have slept with someone else other than your partner. Lets say it was once and you wish to purse no other relationship with this partner in crime.
What do you do?
Are you part of the “what he/she doesn’t know can’t hurt him/her” team?
Or are you more of an advocate of “he/she has a right to know” team?
Here is what I think.
Many argue that option A is better, because the act of telling your partner that you cheated on them, gives them the burden of bearing your own guilt.
The fact is that “you” made the wrong decision and therefore you have to bear the consequences of withholding it to just yourself.
People say that this option is better because then the relationship can continue its course and no one will be the wiser. You learnt your lesson. You know how you feel about your partner and you want to continue a relationship with them.
My thoughts? Taking this option is simply the easy way out. You convince yourself your doing your partner a favor by sparing them the pain of finding out that you were unfaithful to them.
Well reality check. You still did it. And that is not going to change anything. I think its naive, ignorant and highly selfish to make that decision on your partner’s behalf.
When you entered into a relationship you also created a contract – which I believe involves honesty and respect.
What is honest and respectful about not telling you partner the truth?
I think the real reason why people don’t want to tell a partner of their infidelity is because they are scared of losing them.
Scared that telling the truth will completely abolish everything they have worked so hard to create.
But let me tell you this. Honesty is always the best policy. Let me just play it out for you.
You do tell him/him. They can’t forgive you and you guys end the relationship – learn your lessons and move on. Did you have something so “real” anyway if you had to go somewhere outside that relationship to get your needs met and couldn’t communicate your way out of it?
You do tell him/her. You guys fight. Your both hurt. You communicate through it. You learn to develop a deeper trust for eachother, set new boundaries, learn to meet eachother needs and the relationship actually gets taken to a whole new level.
Some of you may think that option B is a utopian way of looking at it. The truth is, that many couples work through cheating and come out stronger at the end of it.
For me this topic is really about whether you have the guts to face your fears, to own up to something that is going to eat at you for years anyways and a chance to learn something new about yourself.
Why would you run away and want to avoid that? Life wasn’t meant to be easy. Its there for us to challenge our fears and face the truth.
I’m sure a lot of you have things to say about this. But what are your thoughts? If you have cheated on a partner, should you tell them or not. If so why/why not?
Looking forward to your comments
Hot Alpha Female
